Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
