we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
