I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
