Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
