I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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