Too much gin, very little bucket
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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