Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
