Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
