3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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