Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
