does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
