It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
