why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize