Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
