that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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