I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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