I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
