Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
