I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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