Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
