Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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