Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
