i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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