who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
