My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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