wanna go halves on a baby?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
