Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
