Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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