a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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