then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
