so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
