If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
