just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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