i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
