Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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