what day is it and did you see me today?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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