You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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