So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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