My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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