Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
