Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
