Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
