I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
