we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize