What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
