Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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