He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
