how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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