I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
