drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
