Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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