There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize