yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
