if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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