you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am naked and annoyed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
