Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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