Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
