Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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