Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
