He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
