It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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