Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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