This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
