He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
