Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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