I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize