Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
