When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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