Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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