turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
