The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you had me at cake vodka
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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