I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can i not drive my cunt home
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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