the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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