It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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