Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
