Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
