I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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