The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
