I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize